Conception and making babies at the outset seems like a no-brainer. A birthright. A fundamental innate ability, right? (Wrong, or I wouldn't be coaching and making over 6 figures a year.) Today's fertility path is not like it was in the 50's. With recent scientific, digital and technological advances telling us we can now "do more, be more and have SO much more," we are feeling the pressure to rapidly rise to the occasion and severely falling short. Slowing down and smelling the roses doesn't seem like it has a place in our sped up fast paced human race. But mother nature doesn't rush it; she has her own rhythm. and she challenges us to ask ourselves "why the push, pressure and rush?"
We have strayed far away from our connection with our own bodies, let alone nature itself. And it is this very disconnection that is hurting us today.
Our earth is rapidly being depleted, stressed and suffocating, too; and because we are connected, our bodies (and souls) are feeling it on a deep level. Now a 5 billion a year industry and 7.5 million women struggling in the US to conceive, our modern day world requires being smarter about how we are bringing children into this world or (enter dramatic music) we risk one day breeding ourselves right off the planet.
I now call it Sacred, Smart Fertility or Conscious Conception, but back in the early days, I had no clue what I was doing, only following a gut instinct that cultivating a fertile life - a thriving environment in all areas (like soil, water and sunlight to a seed) - can help the body feel safe enough to reproduce. It seems I was on to something.
When I was first starting out and I was asked at a TEDx event what I did for work, I had a brain freeze and awkwardly blurted, "I help future parents make babies." I could tell I made quite the impression on him when he cynically quipped, "So what does that mean exactly; you light the candles and pour the wine?" Thank you, sir for helping me become determined to master my elevator pitch.
When Fertility Became More Than About the Body
As a spirit-led positive psychology coach I was consistently watching savvy, smart, healthy women try and try again only to grow increasingly frustrated, desperate and stressed with each failed conception attempt (many spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on IVF). There is something more going on here, I thought. What if a fertile environment could positively affect physical health? As a result I have been called to create a "higher" conscious conception approach to fertility; one that led to a book using mind body science to create a fertile environment, inside and out. This holistic paradigm returns us back to nature's original intention and encourage mindfulness and self care for nourishment (such as meditation, visioning and inner child work) that empowers future parents to birth themselves, first.
And yes, it really can reverse unexplained infertility. But more than that, it prepares parents to "clean up their own house" first, before taking on the role of a lifetime. What's not to love?
How This Concept Was Born
All in all, I do it because children are sacred, and they deserve the very best we can offer them as parents, and people. I didn't have that conscious element growing up, although I must say, I did have alotta lotta love. My mother was so unaware about her menstrual cycles that she thought when you bled you could conceive, like cats. She conceived me on her "first time" with my dad who she ended up marrying when she was 19. Although she was madly in love, she divorced him when I was three because she didn't know how to constructively resolve a disagreement. Yes you heard right. She would rather divorce than have a painful confrontation. She just assumed that if it isn't like a perfect scene from a musical, there was something wrong. (Can we say, that is not her fault, but her own parents who modeled that for her.) I ended up raising my own mother; an alcoholic on welfare, emotionally unstable throughout my formative years which taught me much but also robbed me of a healthy normal childhood. Today, I am ever so grateful because it is a large part of why I do what I do, so no other child has to go through what I did. My calling today is not necessarily to have child of my own but to 'parent the parents' and birth all children from the highest place possible.
What Your Doctor Isn't Trained For That Can Strengthen Your Fertility
There is countless research out there on how the mind and spirit can heal the body, so to start you can read Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani, or Dr. Bernie Siegel's Love, Medicine and Miracles, or my friend Dr. Lissa Rankin's book, Mind Over Medicine, Scientific Proof You Can Heal Yourself. Our bodies are inherently designed to be whole. When in a healthy environment and receiving what it needs; proper sleep, water, air, nutrition - safe, stable and in balance - the body is vital and strong; no disease can take over. But what if imbalance first starts in the soul, and if unaddressed, can cause health problems later? Ancient Chinese medicine is based on this premise; heal the soul and the body also heals.
In my research working in the fertility field since 2008 I have seen miracles. They DO happen. But they come after small lifestyle and behavioral adjustments have been made. This can mean ending a toxic relationship, cleaning up or making amends with past hurts, facing addictions, healing the soul of unworthiness or feeling enough, or picking up that calling or passion again that you unwillingly put away because you were told it wouldn't make money. "Infertile energy" is what causes us chronic strain, pain, drain, or stains our psyche in such a way that damages our very soul and robs us of a pleasant and fulfilled life.
So what if fertility worked better with a more holistic approach? Let's consider, there are 4 parts to us that we can all agree on:
Mind + Body + Emotions + Soul
Although many progressive doctors see lifestyle choices as playing a part in our health, medical Physicians are trained to treat the physical body only. But what of the rest of our faculties called mind, emotions and soul that are all contained in our body? We may not have control over when our bodies decide to conceive, but I have learned that we have an untapped resource of power - 75% pure fertile power - inside us that we do have control over that can help.
The Body Needs to Feel Safe
Science at its most fundamental tells us that a single cell will not reproduce if it deems conditions in its environment are unsafe or unfavorable. This means it has an innate intelligence that surveys the land to see if it is favorable for life to thrive before it decides to expand and multiply. Your body is made up of trillions of these cells.
But what if this just tells us life is so darn smart? That mother nature is not here to punish us but rather to help us grow smart too (evolving our DNA) so that our future child has a fighting chance in the world it is coming into?
What goes into the mother also goes into the child. Any mindful mother would want to pass on her best.
The sacred way we bring a child into this world - can change this world.
What if infertility is a higher call from mother nature to evolve us? What if love really is the best fertility medicine, and we are smothering it with all our GMO, plastic and wifi pollution, stress, worry, fear, addiction, apathy, lack of purpose or passion? What if in trying to have a baby with all this junk layered on top of us smothering our light, mother nature just won't have it?
What if it is Life's grand initiation? See the fertility path as one of self growth to... grow. Heal our baggage. Forgive our parents. Let go more often. Judge less. Enjoy your life. Learn self care, follow your heart. Ignite your passions again - or maybe for the first time. Get in touch with the heart. Live truly. Honestly. Find beauty.
Life begets life, but many of us are dying on the vine inside, and we cannot give what we do not have. I am fascinated by the idea of it. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, this approach allows us to be loved back to real...
Life springs from wholeness better than it does a wound. Is there a connection here that nobody is talking about? I believe we can return to a much more soulful way of bringing babies in that can empower our inner parent at the same time strengthen our fertile nature. I believe we are being called at a deep level to wake up and rise up, and see the connection to our inner and outer world, perhaps so the healing of the planet can also be strengthened.